Almost Mid-Life Crisis

I'm nearing the end of my 30's which is extremely alarming.  I have no true career, though I have been teaching for a while.  I consider that my day job until I can accomplish greatness.  I don't own my car (two more years), a house (I have an overpriced apartment blocks from Hollywood Blvd), or a decent couch (I have a hand-me-down that has passed from my uncle to my aunt and then to me.  Sofa cover.)  At least three months out of the year I live below the poverty line, counting up change in my jar to make gas money, and the other months I enjoy living pay check to pay check above the poverty line.  I haven't been on a real vacation since 1997, though surgery in 2008 did seem like a break from my routine.  I have no health insurance and I can't remember the last time I went to the dentist (when the year still ended in ninety something). 

Dismal.  I've tried mapping escape routes out of my bleak quality of life.  I stopped praying years ago and I want to punch anyone who mentions "The Secret."  In truth, my life could be much worse and I am seriously grateful for what I do have.  It scares me to see homeless people because it reminds me of when I was at one time several years ago.  That fear of returning to near rock bottom keeps me up at night.  It's as if indigency is contagious and I shudder to think about the symptoms.  Just a few mistakes or lapses in judgement and voila, you're sleeping in your car.

I'm an educated, thoughtful, intelligent person.  Average human being.  I have two jobs at the moment.  How is it possible that I could struggle so much? 

I ask myself this over and over.  Let me know if you have any answers.

So, as I approach my 40's (I can't believe I just said that), I am filled with terror of having to live out the rest of my life in the same manner.  I don't have the energy to do that.  Every path I've tried to take to elevate myself has been a dead end.  I keep trying, but I'm worried that I'm cursed or doomed or something.

My birthday is approaching in a month and I dread to think about it.  I'm too embarrassed and depressed to celebrate it.  And because of my hermit mentality, I have relinquished friendships.  So, I would be alone, once again.  Not too much to celebrate.